Hatchet

Hatchet (Example of some of the Gore)

This film has been out quite some time now; I recently watched this to help a close friend of mine get over her break up (1. She loves horrors and 2. I think she was imagining cutting him up into small pieces and then eating him), and obviously with these 2 pieces of information it was destined for glory, that was until the film actually started. Somehow, whether it was the awfully cheesy front cover that gave it away or the lack of well known actors/actresses in the film, this is an awful horror film, it’s so awful that me and my friend were in stitches throughout.

So what’s it all about, I hear you ask? Well it’s basically about a man and his son (who eventually turns out to be a human-killing-disgustingly-looking-thing = Hatchet) and their tale of hiding away from society. However when their  house is  set on fire by some fireworks thrown by some kids trying to bully the disfigured child, the father then attempts  to break in subsequently killing his child by a single blow to the head with a hatchet, while trying to break the door down. Eventually the father dies (which is further elaborated on in Hatchet 2).

And so the Killing Spree begins!

The one remotely deeming factor about this film is that the gore is somewhat………good? If that’s the right word. It’s totally believable apart from when he decides to use someone’s intestines to strangle them (this could have happened in number 2, but there are kills like this that happen in No. 1). When I say believable, I mean that brains look like brains and hearts look like hearts and yep you will get to see plenty of these through out.

The one song they chose to put on the soundtrack was a surprisingly high profile acquisition, Marilyn Manson being the singer and the song, “This is the New S*it”. I absolutely love this track ever since it was The Matrix Reloaded’s soundtrack. (Disc 2 of the OST).

The acting is extremely “shoddy”, so don’t expect any Oscar performances, however there are some interesting cameos from, Robert Englund (Nightmare on Elm Street) and the legendary  Tony Todd (Night of the Living Dead, Candyman, The Crow, Final Destination series), Kane Hodder is also the villain (also known for his stunt work in other films)

Overall you can tell that this film is ridiculously over the top, a gore fest and most of all a soft excuse to see woman naked. Not so much a disappointment because you can never expect much from an independently released horror. I would recommend watching it if you love watching people get brutally killed in ridiculous fashion.

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Bridesmaids

Bridesmaids Poster

I am going to be honest and put this out there, I was quite excited by the prospect of this film, and unfortunately I was deeply disappointed by it. Apparently it was “10/10 Funny”, “The NEW hangover” and “the next best thing since slice bread”. However all of these “statements” are extremely untrue.

Now I don’t know if it was the hype that damaged its ability to please me, but it seriously isn’t funny at all, I know it’s a woman’s film, but I “dig” chick flicks, this just didn’t do it for me.

I can’t even bring myself to say that there are any redeeming qualities about this film, apart from the whole dress fitting scene, which was hysterical but that was it and a film cannot be reviewed in its entirety, fairly by one scene.

So the film is basically about a 30 or 40-something woman who has no prospects in life, she is very bitter and sleeps around with men who are, the stereotypical rich man. However she realised this when her best friend since childhood breaks the news that she is getting married and she wants her to be her maid of honour, this is where you think that its going to get better for her, but no, it gets worse……much worse.

She finds herself an enemy who wishes to be the friend’s maid of honour instead of the main character; this brings about many many awkward situations which are extremely cringe worthy and not funny.

So this is the film in a nut shell, hopefully you will watch it and see for yourself but honestly, don’t be surprised if you don’t find it funny at all. I wouldn’t even call this a review I would call it a slaughtering.

Overall: 4/10

The Tunnel

The Tunnel Poster

With a limited release it was quite hard to get a copy of this handheld horror. With what sounded like a good plot I was armed and ready with my pillow and a lovely friend who was  willing to watch it with me (Yes I really go sound like a woman). So the basic premise of the film is that an Australian film crew go into abandoned train tunnels because so many “bums” are going missing in the city and they want to investigate why. As they go through these abandoned tunnels they realise that they are not just looking for “bums” they are running away from something far more sinister.

The film is extremely low budget, so don’t expect a very big CGI fest; however it does well on the suspense factor, until they show the “thing” that is stalking them, which is unfortunate because they could have kept it under wraps, they are some very creep set ups, because they use a hand held character. It also takes a different edge to other films like Paranormal Activity and REC, where it uses interviews from the present day to convey the story, which is very interesting, although poorly acted in some sequences.

If this was a given a bigger budget I think it would have been quite the cult film, some people will watch it and think what the hell is this guy doing thinking the way he thought about this film. It will be a marmite film, but it is a little gem, it wont make any big money but it is but it is worth a watch just to see what you think.

Soundtrack: 7/10 (Harrowing)

Overall: 6/10

Upcoming Reviews

Now I know I haven’t written on my blog for some time, I suppose about a week, it does feel like an eternity, however I can assure you that I have many reviews that I am going to write in the near future.

The Tunnel

Bridesmaids

Hatchet

The Human Centipede 2

Coldplay - Mylo Xyloto

5 games that changed my world

Woodkid - Iron EP

I hope you are looking forward to these, just as much as I am writing them.